A Review of Transformers: Dark of the Moon

There are some movies where you become drawn into a fictional reality, perhaps because of dynamic storytelling where we breathe the script vicariously through characters that borrow a part of our egoistical identities (They give it back at the end of the movie and we are left with just an empty popcorn box).  Well after the first two installments it’s safe to say that Transformers is no such a film. Nevertheless, I was a huge fan of the television series and owned many a transformer toy so I felt obliged to see the final film of the trilogy, named Transformers: Dark of the Moon. (Spoilers ahead)

The film opens with a clever montage that juxtapositions an alternate reality of actual historical events. In this case, we find out that the Apollo 11 mission sent to the moon in fact discovered not just moon rock but an alien ship belonging to who else but those enigmatic robots that just can’t keep their junk from falling into our solar system. We learn that the ship was piloted by Sentinel Prime, the previous leader of the Autobots and he was ferrying technology that would change the outcome of the battle in Cybertron for the Autobots. The ship of course is the mythical Ark of transformers canon, and Optimus Prime discovers that the Soviet attempted to use a fuel cell found in its wreck, resulting in the Chernobyl accident (continuing the theme of “yay let’s use historical events to make things cooler”).

We then find that our protaganist Sam Witwicky (Shia LeBeouf) has ditched or should I say upgraded Mikaela (the recently fired Megan Fox) to an English girl, Carly Spencer (of authentic Transformers canon), played by the stunning Victoria’s Secret model Rosie Huntington-Whitely. Unfortunately this is the most appropriate description of Huntington-Whitely’s performance as she seems to have perfected the wide eyed, slack jawed effect and somehow gotten stuck with one expression. In fact, in the middle of a chaos in the climax of the film, there is a laughable scene where the camera pans towards her doing ONLY that for a good 15 seconds.

I can't really act so I'll just try to look pretty

Sam seems to have suffered from a post-Transformers life crisis where he struggles to find a job that would give him enough stimulation and meaning. He eventually finds work in a mail room under an OCPD boss by the name of Bruce (John Malkovich). His girlfriend however, works for Dylan Gould (Patrick Dempsey) who appears to be a wealthy business magnate with an interest in cars.

Meanwhile, Optimus is sulking (we know this because he uh, remains quiet in his trailer truck mode) at the news that the humans have withheld knowledge of the Ark on the dark side of the moon. He scrambles to put his massive metal foot on the moon to retrieve Sentinel Prime (voiced by Leonard Nimoy), who with tentacle bears bears a striking resemblance to Captain Barbosa. Using the matrix of leadership, he revives his former leader and has a talk with him apparently and awkwardly in the middle of the African savannah. Sentinel Prime reveals to the humans that he was carrying pillars to build a space bridge that would turn the tide of the Cybertronian War.

The Decepticons however, have been laying low, waiting for Sentinel Prime to be resurrected, presumably so that they can get in on this bridge thing. They are executing humans connected to the Russian and American space missions to the moon. One of them, Sam’s coworker Jerry Wang (Ken Jeong) manages to slip in information about “the dark side of the moon” before being assassinated by Laserbeak. With the help of the now eccentric former agent Seymour Simmons (John Turtturro), he uncovers evidence that the Decepticons were at the Ark way before Optimus and have the bulk of the space pillars. Next thing you know, Sam is alerting the Autobots that Sentinel Prime is in grave danger.

During the escort mission to get Sentinel Prime to safety, the former Autobot leader throws a curveball of his own, by revealing that he had made a pact to work with Megatron. He kills Ironhide point blank and runs away with the pillars. With Megatron at his side he activates a space bridge that transports hundreds of Decepticons that have been lying dormant on the dark side of the moon. His next plan is to transport Cybertron itself to Earth’s vicinity and enslave the human race as some sort of cheap labour force to gather resources.

Gould is revealed as a human Decepticon agent and he places a transforming spy probe-watch on Sam’s wrist to find out Optimus’ plans. The Autobots are condemned to exile and sent in a rocket into space, but not before it gets shot down by a Decepticon lying in wait. It appears the Decepticons and Sentinel Prime have full control of the Earth. They lay ruin to the city of Chicago and barricade it’s centre to make way for the space bridge. (For it would be much more dramatic than say going to Antartica).

Sigh...one can only hope that is a Protoss Carrier

To nobody’s surprise, the Autobots return (they were in the rocket boosters that fell off and returned to Earth) and save the day even though they are heavily outnumbered. This doesn’t stop Sentinel Prime from activating the space bridge and summoning Cybertron itself into full atmospheric view. Yes, for Michael Bay hopes that the awesome visuals will distract you long enough before you remember the laws of physics and realize that planets have gravitational fields. Also the titular “moon” is conspicuously nowhere to be seen during the epic appearance of Cybertron. You’d think it would be awesome for them to transport Cybertron to within Earth’s gravitational field only to have it collide with the moon.

Optimus is cornered by Sentinel Prime and has his arm amputated before Megatron comes to save his day. Yes you read that right. None other than Carly Spencer herself personally approaches the mangled tyrant (he’s still missing most of his robotic cranium) and whispered to him words that would make him jealous of Sentinel Prime’s position. An absurdly ridiculous scene. But anyways to cut the story short, Megatron distracts Sentinel Prime just enough so that the one-armed Optimus can kill them both.

So what exactly does Transformers bring to the table? It’s sort of like imagining what would happen if the actors in all your sitcoms played their roles in the nude. Transformers is almost pornographic in the way it presents action and violence. Sparks fly, robo-tentacles constrict buildings, and metal is shredded all over the place without discretion. (I now shudder at the thought of Michael Bay-directed porn). Sometimes I got the feeling that I was trapped in the scene witnessing pointless destruction. The chaotic climax of the film stretches so long that you wonder if you’re watching an unending CNN coverage of Chicago’s destruction by robot aliens instead.

I was waiting for "Optimus, I am your father"

The character development is extremely weak, save for Sam Witwicky. We know very little about the Autobots except that they preach freedom for all sentient beings. I could hardly see the purpose of including the Wreckers in this film as they disappeared from screen as quickly as they were called upon. The household sized Wheelie and Brains were poor comic relief and I found myself not caring what happened to them in the end.

There was minimal interaction between Bumblebee and Sam – one of the highlights of the first movie. The Decepticons including Soundwave and Shockwave are completely underdeveloped and reduced to unrecognizable and twisted metal hulks that speak jibberish (or don’t speak at all) and have weird spider mouths. I have to say it but most of them just look ugly.

Shockwave was upset he didn't get more of a speaking role

But at the end of the day, Transformers is not about characters or storytelling. It’s not even about the Autobots or Decepticons – they are merely the toys in the toybox. It seems to me that the mantra of this movie is about pushing the limits of special effects and porno-violence to thrill the audience. An this admittedly it does very well evidenced by the applause I heard at the end of the movie.

Pixar’s first truly rotten tomato

I have to be honest that when Pixar first announced that it would be making a sequel to 2006’s Cars I was dumbstruck. I thought it was easily the weakest out of Pixar’s stable of quality unconventional movies. So I was not the least surprised to learn that the early reviews are in and Pixar’s streak of 11 certified fresh movies on Rottentomatoes has been ended! Perhaps the studio was thinking about the merchandising prospects of Cars instead. So let’s take a look at Pixar’s run thus far:

1.Toy Story (1995)
RT rating: 100%
Box office: $361,958,736
– The one that started it all. I never treated my toys the same way again.

2. A Bug’s Life (1998)
RT Rating: 91%
Box Office: $363,398,565
– I remember that this movie warranted many repeats during my school days. Loved the insects.

3. Toy Story 2 (1999)
RT Rating: 100%
Box Office: $485,015,179
– Better than the first toy story. I remember more about this film than the first one.

4. Monsters, Inc. (2001)
RT Rating: 95%
Box Office: $525,366,597
– It was so good that I still wonder what happened to Boo to this day. A tantalizing sequel was initially announced, but it’s now confirmed to be a prequel instead…darn.

5. Finding Nemo (2003)
RT Rating: 98%
Box Office: $867,893,978
– I never got to see it until much later, but I didn’t get the hype about this film

6. The Incredibles (2004)
RT Rating 97%
Box Office: $631,442,092
– Thought it was good family fun, but way overrated

7. Cars (2006)
RT Rating: 74%
Box Office: $461,983,149
– Pixar’s first critical “flop” was still respectably “fresh” by RT standards. But as for me, I found the idea mostly uninspired and I didn’t even bother to watch it.

8. Ratatouille (2007)
RT Rating: 96%
Box Office: $623,722,818
– This film impressed me with its maturity…and also its delicious looking food

9. WALL-E (2008)
RT Rating: 96%
Box Office: $521,311,860
– An instant classic space opera which does not rely on dialogue

10. Up (2009)
RT Rating: 98%
Box Office: $731,342,744
– This film was a brilliant and heartfelt adventure with an unexpected pairing of leads

11. Toy Story 3 (2010)
RT Rating: 99%
Box Office: $1,063,171,911
– I really think this is the most nostalgic and emotional of all the Pixar films..that’s why it’s so awesome.

12. Cars 2 (2011)
RT Rating: 33% and dropping
– I think I will skip this as well.

It’s too hot

My forecastfox says that it is 33 degrees now with a heat index of 47 degrees. My body says it is dehydrated. My mind says its too busy worrying about the heat…

Rage and Serenity: The Dynamic of Charles Xavier and Erik Lehnsherr

I have to admit that the intensity of Xmen:First Class blew me away. It wasn’t the action sequences or special effects that captivated me. Rather, I was heavily impressed upon by the strong dynamic between the young Charles Xavier and Erik Lehnsherr played brilliantly by James McAvoy and Michael Fassbender. This is a character driven movie. first and foremost.

They came from wildly different backgrounds. The young Charles as a boy grew up in a mansion in New York, while Erik came from the concentration camps of Auschwitz. It was there that Erik discovered that emotions, chiefly anger, activated his power of magnetism, but this came at a traumatic cost of losing his mother. Meanwhile, Charles discovered his own kind early on, in the form of Raven/Mystique, played by the stunning Jennifer Lawrence. They develop a sibling bond over the years.

We then see Charles at Oxford University, publishing his thesis on mutation. His only friend at the time appears to be Raven, and ironically despite his power of telepathy, his genetic jargon of a pickup line doesn’t work as well with the ladies. However, his promising research on mutation lands him the attention of the CIA, in the form of agent Moira McTaggert.

It is during a CIA operation to track down archvillain Sebastian Shaw that Charles and Erik finally meet. Charles, using his power of telepathy saves Erik from certain death by convincing him to give up Shaw. Xavier brings Lensherr to the CIA’s secret “Division X” facility. Charles is the more softspoken and naively kind one. Erik on the other hand, is sympathetically depicted as angsty and bent on avenging his mother and finding the people responsible for creating his mutation.

They go on a mission together to recruit mutants and their friendship thickens. There’s great chemistry here between McAvoy and Fassbender. It’s easy to feel why they developed such a close bond. Both have finally met someone they regard as an intellectual equal, and their emotional friendship inevitably follows. Charles teaches Erik to unlock the full potential of his powers by tapping into his deepest and most vulnerable memory. They engage in philosophical discussions on their mutantkind. Charles believes in using their powers to help mankind, while Erik believes mutants are the evolutionary superior beings. They are shown playing chess together in intimate environments. In one scene, they are sitting at the statue of Abraham Lincoln overseeing America’s most phallic structure. Suggestive imagery indeed. It’s a joy just to see them both so comfortable in each other’s company.

Charles Xavier: Listen to me very carefully my friend. Killing Shaw will not bring you peace.
Erik Lehnsherr: Peace was never an option.

The crux of the movie is Erik’s intention to destroy Shaw, the person who created his mutation. In their final mission set against the tense backdrop of the Cuban Missile Crisis, we see Charles and Erik working hand in hand to bring down the powerful villain mutant. Indeed, Erik even utilizes his powers to shield Charles from harm as the their plane goes down. But it is here that their ideologies clash again. Erik mercilessly kills Shaw while Charles protests in vain. When the human lives are at stake, Charles sides with them while Erik wants to vanquish them. Although, to be honest, you almost want to side with Erik at this point considering how the humans have treated the mutants (with missiles).

But at the climax of the movie, Charles is hit by the stray bullet that would paralyze him as Moira attempts to stop Erik from destroying the human warships. Erik rushes to Charles’ side and blames Moira. It’s a heartwrenching scene as Erik holds the wounded Charles in his arms and realizes they both do not have the same vision for the future of the mutants. And he realizes that they must go their separate ways as rivals. This leaves Erik with a “void” that he fills by recruiting other members into his team. Raven joins Erik, now known as Magneto, while Charles, Professor X, goes on to open a school for mutants.

I’ve always thought that Xmen had a remarkably mature theme on mutants and their differences with humans that can be applied to racial discrimination and the LGBT community. But what makes me like Xmen:First Class is that it highlights both the eclectic heights and devastating lows of friendship. Perhaps human beings secretly desire to find another human being as awesome and as powerful as their own selves – and it is fascinating to watch when it does happen. And as for our central characters; I’d say it’s a tragic love story of friendship gained and friendship lost.

Notice of Impending Activity

I’m rebooting my blog as my mood has improved since returning from Australia. Yay.